Porn is love you can see.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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