it hurts more in the daytime
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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