we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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