I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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