Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
