im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
dude. I can hear the air.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
