absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
