my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
