and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
