Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
