we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
