my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
