I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
