one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
