dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
