Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
