Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
