I'm at about main and main street
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
