Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
