She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When are your genitals available?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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