I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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