Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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