No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
