I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
