i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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