Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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