I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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