the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
