Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
