It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
