i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
