We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't deserve a penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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