Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
