Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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