After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
