i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
