I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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