im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
