Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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