I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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