In America we eat man semen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
