my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
