You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
