cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
