Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
