it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
