"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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