Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
