i think i have two assholes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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