I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
